PERFECT isn't beautiful; HUMAN is

2007-01-25T00:41:00.000+08:00

i haf this feeling. a feeling i cant say. a feeling i wan so much to say. i wan so much to tell u. so much fer u to understand. but i cant. i cant say. this feeling makes me miserable. it makes me hurt inside. i wan so much fer it to go away. i need it to go away. i dun wanna feel this way.

last nite i dreamt dat i had to collect n remove worms n maggots in a certain timing. de dream was so real n vivid. i seemed to be collecting it de whole nite. got it checked up n this is wat it said:

To see maggots in your dream, represents your anxieties about death. It may also be indicative of some issue or problem that you have been rejecting and it is now "eating away" at you . You need to confront it for it is destroying your sense of harmony and balance.
In particular, to dream that you are stepping on maggots, indicates guilt and impurity. You are trying to repress your immoral thoughts or behavior . On a positive note, it may symbolize your resilience, persistence, and your ability to bounce back from adversity.

To see a worm in your dream, represents weakness and general negativity. You have a very low opinion of yourself or of someone in your life.
To dream that the worm is crawling on your body, indicates that you feel someone around you is taking advantage of your and feeding off your kind heartedness.

i did not step on it nor did it crawl up my body. actually i'm not sure if it did crawl up my body. hmm.. i noe dat this dream n its interpretation plus wats been going on this few days n de pic i've seen r more den enuff to drive me nuts.. haiz~

2007-01-20T02:32:00.000+08:00

lol.. its been long since i last post but anyway happy 2007~ althou i'm 20 days late. hehe.

haf u eva felt de feeling of happiness? de feeling dat u r who u r.. de feeling dat u became a betta person. u've changed but u r still who u r n jus betta. living fer urself.

its him. its him i'm happy. its him i've changed. its him i'm who i am. its him i'm a betta person. its him.

its been a long time since i feel xin fu. but its different this time. i feel as if i've neva been so xin fu b4. *smiles*

i'm glad i've changed. i'm glad i've becomed a betta person. i'm glad i'm in love.

i wanna be wif u, ai ni hao xin fu.

i wanna be wif u, ai ni hao man zu.

i love u mr nyap! muackz!

2006-12-08T02:20:00.000+08:00

i gif up.. i think i gif up.. dun think i can do this anymore.. i wanna gif up.. help~

2006-12-08T00:57:00.000+08:00

tried to blog yest but guessed blogger's server was down.. anyway.. yest i went down to ecp had a gd meal.. its it relatively cheap since it was a turkish meal.. i dunno.. lol.. fergot to take pictures of de food!! but its ok.. its called de kebab station.. go try!! lol.. de food names were so funny like iskander or lamahcun.. lol.. but i had lamb baked rice.. n i stole some of will's iskander.. its was gd.. de dips were cool too.. n de huge garlic bread.. luckily i didnt order de ayran.. its a kind of turkish drink abit like diluted yoghurt n i didnt like it.. *phew* hehe.. quite sad dat i only haf pics of us n not de food.. but i wun mind going back dere fer a bite.. its really far.. oh.. n i lost my way on my way dere.. i walked de opposite direction.. i dunno how far i walked but i noe its jus really far.. walked by de lighthouse n abt 3 underpass.. n i had to walk back.. hehe.. walked till my ankle hurt.. but i guess de meal did make up fer it cos i fergot abt it soon after..

registered my btt today.. its on de 19/01/2007.. betta put it down jus in case i ferget.. den i spent de rest of my time researching abt wat i wanted to write.. n thinking abt some stuffs..
n i've decided finally to write on library anxiety.. toked to anders abt it.. his been a big big biiiiiiiiiiigg help! he made me more focus n clear abt wat i wanted to write..

sometimes decisions can be very hard.. especially when u hafta decide whether you wan to stay or jus walk away.. staying is not easy, walking away is hard.. so wat do u do den.. this things can be so mind boggling n frustrating.. cos when u decided u wanna stay n wait n gif it a try.. factors n other things jus come into place.. but when u made up ur mind u wanna leave.. everything is jus so nice dat u jus wanna stay.. arghhh isn't it?? oh well.. so much fer thots.. leave em fer another day..

some happy pictures b4 i go..

At ECP

kebab station-caught mich on camera admiring her cute guy!!
(mich & pris)

kebab station-pris painted her hoodie herself!! bloody adorable rite??

kebab station-will took a pic of himself when i told him to take a pic of de food.. dats y i end up wifout pics of de food.. hehe~

2006-12-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

sometimes when people are of no significance, no matter how they are.. they will not so much as think of u.. nor will they bother.. I believed n I noe dat no matter how busy anyone can be, there will be a time.. a time where dey stop to think of their loved ones.. be it in de mist of their busy schedule.. or in bed before dey go to sleep.. I noe n believed cos I haf had people of significance.. and sometimes u jus noe u are of no significance to someone at all.. waiting is something I do not lyk to do.. but I waited.. I do not noe y I waited.. probably to see if I was of any significance.. thus I waited n waited.. you culd blatantly assess by now the ending n how much I’m worth.. but de impt thing here is.. wat do I do now?

On happier notes.. been to many outings.. too many perhaps..

had an extreme fun overnite at sentosa..

in top shop at vivo-look at em drool.. lolz!
(anders & wh)

vivo-i luurvee this fcuk sun wu kong t-shirt!!
(modeled by wh)

oppo sentosa-wow! look at de strong n mighty anders!!

oppo sentosa-omg! wh is trying to copy anders.. *sniggers*

sentosa-anders sure can slp anywhere~

sentosa's tower-look at de 3 lil monkies!!
(anders, mich & wh)

A great new hangout place i love.. call H.I.G.H.. a lan shop cum pub.. to anybody who loves lan gaming, soccer, pool n foosball!! great big projector screen to watch any soccer matches.. the computers were not laggy at all.. screen was big, graphics were gd, mouse n keyboards were gd.. this is de best lan shop i've eva been too!! n i'll be going to no other lan shop cept fer this.. this i how much i love it.. hahaz.. intro-ed by cr!

H.I.G.H- funny concoction names.. wif n wifout flash..
(irish coffee, moonwell, soubooster & enchantress)

bugis-my fav x'mas tree! wonder if dey are real crystals..

X'mas is coming!! gonna cook fer x'mas eve! so excited!!

2006-08-29T06:23:00.000+08:00

if i eva had a chance to turn back the time.. wuld i? to erase the things i did.. wuld i? to add in happier moments.. wuld i? i jus realised i grew up.. been thinking heavily abt the past recently.. been trying to catch up wif my past too.. i guess its not jus the happy moments but the sad n de bad dat mould me to who i am today.. precious lessons dat i've gone thru n learnt.. lyk wat daniel say "wat doesntt kills u makes u stronger".. if i had de chance to turn back de time.. will my answer be yes again?

i dunno wat i'm toking abt.. i'm seriously going crazy with this suddenly cannot sleep whole nite neva sleep kinda thing.. n it hits me once every few nites.. wats wrong?? anyway.. think i betta go fer full body check up.. de edema reading abt my liver n kidney is making me sceptical.. hmm.. plus i wanna noe y i'm so fat when all de readings says i'm underweight!!

haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2006-08-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

haf u eva had de feeling of loneliness slowly creeping into ur heart n u can feel every slightess movement? dats wats happening when ur not around.. i miss u.. i miss de way u make me laugh.. de way ur oh-so-cute~ de way i look at u n feel so totally obsessed wif u.. de way i jus look at u n smile.. n de way u make my day jus by being dere.. oh i so miss u very very much..can everybody pls pray fer my fren~~ pray dat she will get better and be healthy.. my fren's name is andrea and she has liver problems.. she is a very nice, sweet and frenly girl.. but de thot of losing such a gd fren suddenly feels my heart wif utmost sympathy and sadness.. pls do pray dat she will get well live a healthy life without having to take oral medicine everyday.. Thank you so so so much..

2006-07-30T00:57:00.000+08:00

heyhey.. jus watched lake house.. omg so sweet la.. i'm so enviouss.. wish got someone out dere.. hmm... i wish huh.. i wish..

i dun wanna be dat easy going nice kinda girl anymore.. i dun wanna be easy going kinda girl anymore.. ppl jus dun appreciate~~ come on man.. wats de world becoming.. i dun wanna be nice.. jus dun expect me to be nice anymore..

i wish u were dere.. its lyk u seem to be dere.. but u dun seem to be dere.. alwaiz wif ur busy schedule.. i wish i culd fit into ur busy schedule.. if only i was dat bit of an importance..

i wish somebody will take notice of me!!!!

i wanna work hard.. i study hard.. haiz.. deres alot of things i regret.. things i cant turn back de time for.. i dun wanna regret anymore..

2006-07-29T04:33:00.000+08:00

omg!! i'm still awake again!! 2 nites in a row~~ i can't sleep!! help~~ anyway.. oreo is so cute la~~ she is so fat now.. fatty~~

2006-07-27T03:47:00.000+08:00

omg!! its 3.45am n i'm still awake on a wed nite.. oh well.. no skool anyway.. hehe~ so excited!!! i'm gonna see my baby in a few hours times!! maybe dats y i cant sleep!! yeah.. obvious huh~ so excited to see my baby~~ its been months man.. n does months seems lyk years.. i thot i'll neva be able to see my baby again.. hopefully my baby stills rmb me... so sad.. i dun wan her to ferget me.. so excited!! hehe~

i'm almost cannot make it fer cip~ missed de briefing and all.. n dunno wat makes me go tp email n check~ lucky met up wif vijayan n he said i'll do fine.. but still hafta go fer interview.. say i'm most lykly to get it but not to speculate.. hmm.. wats dat suppose to mean?? anyway.. think i'll get in la.. lol.. get my hopes up too higher mite be very disappointed if i neva get in.. but dun think so la.. lol..

whao~~ think today or a few hours later mite jus be my lucky day.. maybe mummy will buy me de bag i've been eyeing~~ woohoo~~ already think which colour i prefer.. lol..

kk.. think i betta try to sleep if not later no energy to play wif my baby..

O-R-E-O~~~~O! OREO! OREO OREO~~
*muackies*

2006-07-21T00:55:00.000+08:00

i wanna sleep n neva wake..

2006-07-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

//water melly//
If you are in love with a woman in this zodiac be prepared to be very happy or be very sorry. She is a very busy person with her own matters similar to a guy in this zodiac. She is able to live by herself without any guy in her life, a very strong person indeed.Not because she does not have a dream guy, but if she can not find such person, so what. Because she thinks she could do anything that a man can do. She is a leader , a real confident type.She likes to do things by herself, such as serving herself, opening the door herself. Because she thinks waiting for a helping hand is a waste of time, and she is not patient enough to wait around for that. If she starts to ask you out, do not think she starts to flirt with you, but because she thinks it is a waste of time to wait for you to be the one who asked.She likes a COOL guy who sometime act like he is ignoring her, so he has a chance to show him his own confident. She like to guess her man's reaction, but at the same time she likes to has many men wanting her. She is a daring type who could just do thing differently from other people in her same society. She dare to fight for what she thinks belonged to her.Even she acts confident she mostly feel lonely and alone. If she breaks up with someone , she won't show any emotion even deep down inside pain and agony. Not for long she will come back to be the cheery and merry person again, because she looks at the world positively and has "Faith" in the word "Love".She has more men friends than women friends, so do not be a jealous type if you date her. She could be slightly jealous, but she hates jealous guy. She loves "Freedom" so before and after marriage , her freedom has to be the same. She likes you to trust her, even if she does not trust you anyhow.She likes to be the one who is "Right", so if you argue with her , let her win if it is not a big deal for you in that subject. She is a straight forward type, so if she does not love you anymore, she will just tell you straight to your face. Her love and relationship are always real, so if she say "It's over" be prepare to leave, she is not testing you.She is not a vulnerable type, so do not have to worry about her, she will survive by herself. If she is with you when you get sick, she will certainly take care and look after you, even look after you mean "small loan". Do not have secret with her, she hates it and really can piss her badly. When she is sad , be understanding. When she is happy, be happy with her, she likes that.You will not get bore with this type of girl. Someone who is close to her will know that deep down beneath that confident and cold hearted person, she is just as fragile as any woman. She is a fun and talkative person and she likes to tease you. Do not let she talk alone, if you do she will leave.She has many type of jobs because she beliefs what a man can do, I can do. If you want her to work for you, forget it. When she is in love, she will just leave her job in the day time just to come to see you, but not for long she will go back to work seriously again. Prepare to live and love with a "Working Woman" then you will be OK.If she mad, find a shelter for the "Hurricane" is here! Her bad temper will last very shortly though. She is not a revenge type and will not think of "pay Back" time. Most people might think of her as "One of a guy", but in fact she is a 100% woman. She is easily hurt, so be nice with her. If she really loves you, then you are lucky because she is an honest, truthful and will never bored you. Understand that sometimes she will be over confident and sometimes like to have power or act bossy.

this is a cool horoscope la.. fer all those who havent heard.. this is damn accurate la.. or so to me.. hehe.. sorry fer scaring u n making u worry fer me last nite.. sorry.. i didnt mean it.. thanks fer caring fer me.. smart girls cant do stupid things.. lol.. sorry..

Thanks sarah!! for de free pirates of de carribean!! hehe.. we mus watch part 1 kk?? thanks sweetie.. u make me dun feel lyk going to skool tomolo.. lol..

i haf this cute shampoo called sudzy.. damn cute lo.. dunno who buy one.. a lil amount wif lotsa bubbles.. lotsa bubbles on my head.. hee~ anyway i wish i culd soak in de bathtub while sipping away at my soothing hot camomile tea accompanied by a romantic novel.. ooo.. heaven~

hehe~ i wanna be tai tai!!

//mellydaydreaminghalfwishing for it to be true//

2006-07-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

goodbye everybody. thanks to everybody in my life. thanks fer making my life althou short but well lived. Thank you. i've learnt so much. Finally.. finally i'll neva be unhappy again. :o)
Thank you and goodbye my frens.

PERFECT isn't beautiful; HUMAN is...

//melly//

2006-06-27T22:46:00.000+08:00

i thot today was my lucky day.. i got called up at bugis street to be a hair cut model.. which means i get a free hair cut.. de best thing was its from toni&guy~ toni&guy is damn ex la.. n i bought a top i really lyk..

but de best was not to be.. i'm so upset.. wish someone was here fer me.. my song is not working anymore.. de song dat years ago mickey tell me to listen to it wheneva i'm upset n i wun be anymore.. but its not working..

i wish someone can understand how i feel n how i think.. y is it dat deres so many ppl in my life but deres noone dere..

//a whirlpool of mellysadness//

I hope you dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

But always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

~ * ~ * ~

I hope you still feel small, when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith the fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

~ * ~ * ~

I hope you dance ....

~ * ~ * ~

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'

Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'

~ * ~ * ~

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

~ * ~ * ~

I hope you dance(Time is a wheel in constant motion)

I hope you dance(Always rolling us along)

I hope you dance(Tell me who)

I hope you dance(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)

I hope you dance(Where those years have gone)

~ * ~ * ~

I hope you still feel small, when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

~ * ~ * ~

Dance ....

I hope you dance

I hope you dance(Time is a wheel in constant motion)

I hope you dance(Always rolling us along)

I hope you dance(Tell me who)

I hope you dance(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)

I hope you dance(Where those years have gone)

(Tell me who)

(Wants to look back on their years and wonder)

(Where those years have gone)

lyrics taken from:http://www.blueyze.us/hopeyoudance.html

2006-06-16T02:15:00.000+08:00

lol.. jus finish my game.. so funny man.. de first game was alrite.. cos too long neva play le.. den starting microing sux.. but when things became gd i kena dc.. its lyk wth -_-!! lol.. cos playing vs AI.. lol.. second game was nice~ till i itchy backside go n take de rapier.. lol.. but its lyk lying on de floor damn tempting la.. wahaha.. so i tooked it.. wahaha.. VS wif eos, boots of travel, rapier n 3 hyperstone.. wahaha.. den i had to go kill myself at roshan to return.. lol.. in de end we lost.. lol.. dunno wat i do sia.. after dat keep dying.. anyway.. had a terrific day~

Thanks fer a wonderful day~ enjoyed myself alot alot.. frm 8am-2am.. whao~~

had loads of ice cream!!! so gonna be fat.. eat so much fattening stuffs.. chicken rice, char kway teow, shabu shabu set meal, a bowl of soft ice cream n green tea ice cream, strawberry n blueberry ice cream n subway's meatball marinara!!!! tell me.. how to to be fat!?! lol..

oh well.. i enjoyed myself alot today after all.. damn happy wif my monkehs~~ n de tonnes of sweets~ *giggles* Thanks fer all de effort strawberry pie!

Now so broke fer tomolo's meeting wif chocolate n honey.. haiz.. lucky dey oso no money le.. so jus chill~ wahaha~ think i betta sleep if not late as usual den honey gonna nag le.. nitey~ *muacks*

2006-06-15T23:40:00.000+08:00

wee~~ i won 2 monkeys at arcade today!! 1 pink n 1 blue.. oh n tonnes n tonnes of sweets.. lol.. can't believe my luck~ so happy!! hee~ wanna see my monkies?? in my frenter.. wahaha~~ monkeh monkeh monkeh~~

2006-06-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

i'm so upset now.. wish i had a shoulder.. wish i can scream out loud.. wish my stm will erase my memory.. how nice it wuld be if i cannot remem a thing.. haiz.. but i can't.. i wun.. its jus another fantasy.. i wish fer someone.. someone to be dere.. but deres noone.. noone.. haiz..

2006-06-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

i hate everybody!! i hate myself!! arhhh... i dun wanna be here anymore~ y? yyy????? this is so unfair~ y mus i be me!?! i hate it!! i hate it!!! argh~~~~~ all i wanted is jus to be happy.. is it so hard?? do u hate me dat much lord?? i jus wanna be happy..

2006-06-10T16:45:00.000+08:00

chocolate once said how envy he was of me to be able to be de one dat makes decisions.. hmm.. actually i dun wanna make decisions.. i dun wanna regret one day n wishing i had made another decision.. n up to current i've not really made any decision.. cos i dunno wat to decide.. as in i noe wat to decide but haiz.. u get my drift.. i noe i'm already sinking into mistakes and sins.. but its not lyk i wan to.. i jus sink.. its lyk quicksand.. de more i wanna get up, de deeper i sink in.. haiz.. it ain't so great to be de one making de decision after all huh?? but i think i'll make de decision when de time comes.. althou i stil haf no idea wat its gonna be n how i'm gonna persuade myself to do so.. but i guess i will.. i guess..

I hope i can disappear.. i wanna disappear.. i wanna disappear frm de face of de earth~
//screaming in an enclosed bottle//

2006-06-10T16:30:00.000+08:00

i hope life become monotoneous.. i dun wanna haf dreams.. i dun dare to haf dreams..

After swimming wif my mummy today; listening to the things she haf said abt my past n present only make me hate myself more.. my neighbour pass me a book in de middle of the nite or early morning as u wuld call it after de world cup.. a book on finding meaning to ur life.. is dat a hint? a signal?? cus if it is.. hopefully it will be more obvious.. haiz..

lost, stranded n alone in this busy little city.. hoping dat sooner or later i wuld fish myself up.. but if i culd do dat i wuld haf done dat earlier wun i? yest i woke up at 2pm.. culdn't even hear my mummy knocking on de door.. how i wish i wun wake up.. tired of chasing dreams..

//tired melly//

2006-06-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

"Perfect isn't beautiful; Human is" what a statement for one who love perfection.. the irony of it all..

is STM good afterall?? its not as if i ferget everything or remem everything.. worst part of it is dat butter remems all the things dat is intended to be forgotten n forgets all the impt things lyk work and deadlines.. hmm.. can butter actually swim it all off?? n how wuld butter noe which to swim off n which to keep? memories are slowly fading into slow motion movies..

-confused-upset-depress-
is dat all dat butter feels? fer all we noe, it mite be a norm as we speak.. is independancy exactly wat everybody think it is? as we always depend on someone.. how can one truely gain independancy? sometimes i do not understand y i do the things i do.. to be independant? to be numb? y is it dat i alwaiz do things only to feel remorse and regret..

honey and chocolate are in full support in everything i do.. afterall dey can't really do much except to input their opinions only fer me to ultimately decide at de end..

Sometimes the things u wanna say or tell somebody is brimming but yet u noe dat u can't let it overflow.. n u try as u mite to prevent it frm happening.. i'm bursting.. lyk a balloon being stretched to its limits.. y mus some alwaiz try to exfoliate?? is a gd thing to noe ppls' private life?? lyk wen we whisper in a corner, it jus seems so tempting to evesdrop is it?

i wish i can sort everything out.. i wish i can tell u wats going on.. i wish i can jus be happy!! y does everybody wans fer me to be happy n i'm jus not??

//melting butter//

2005-09-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

Finally~ the sun has risen n i can happily enjoy my strawberry pie. Although its not as sweet as before i still love it!!

My fren once asked: "Do you eva get sick of alwaiz eating the same thing" melmel replied: "Never. I'm loving it!"

I'm addicted~ Addicted to this sweet lil thing called strawberry pie.. I literally cannot live without it. N i love it dat way.. I hope my pie will start to taste betta soon.. haiz.. i noe its not tasting betta.. i can only hope..

*hope hope hope*

haiz.. i'm so sad~ can somebody help me??
TAKE MY HAND AND NEVER LET GO!! you promised..

//a bowl off misery plus an addition spoonful of hurt//

2005-08-30T11:16:00.000+08:00

-Stuffs out-
Wee~ i'm back at ya.. things nowadays are getting outta hand.. n trust me i dunno wat i'm toking abt.. hee~ here i am learning n look wat i am doing? toking rite back at ya.. haha.. silly old me.. now i'm pondering on wat i shuld enter.. *think think think*
n i start wondering if studying is my cuppa tea.. well come to papa! nope. i still haven't made up my mind yet.. on one hand i'm this studious SOMEONE who is always in front of the computer doing some stuffd(which u wun noe wat, hey! maybe u wuld?) n in a blink of an eye, i running around finding food maybe? down girl down! woof~ i think this studying is getting to me.. (n i haf not start)
goddd~ i dun wanna tok to u anymore.. maybe sometime later when i'm bored.. but life's too gd to be typing this crap now.. oops! now i've got a peeping sarah.. shan't tok till later.. melly moo